Your Lying lips…and eyes… and

One of the sad headlines from the news this week:

 

Fox poll: 61% thinks Obama lies on important matters

 

 

 

I can not tell a truth… no lie.

Hussein Washington

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you like your doctor…

Not a smidgen of scandal…

You didn’t build that…

We will be the most transparent administration in US History…

I didn’t set a red line in Syria…
I pledge to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution…

suckers

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April 17, 2014. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

So Schultzie what do you know about…. mmmm say Fast & Furious, Rev Wright, Bill Ayers, Benghazi, IRS scandal, Middle East Diplomacy, Obamacare website issues, NSA wiretapping, what a president does? ….. I didn’t think so.

Sgt. Van Bama Schultz

October 29, 2013. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

A Beltway Hillbilly meets Sheriff Joe and a special inmate

Its been a spell since we last seen our favorite bunch of hillbillies,  The Beltway Hillbillies,  lead by family patriarch Mitch Dumbasset,  his nephew Jonthro Boner the house menace., Granny Annie Coulter the deranged shotgun-packing crazy woman, Kelly Mae Ayotte-Dumbasset, the shapely,  but not seemingly too bright daughter of Mitch, along with their foals in DC,  Scary Drysreid, Nanny Giveaway and Mr. Big among others.  This episode of our favorite DC hayseeds has Jonthro Boner going to Arizona to see if Sheriff Joe will give Jonthro a quick lesson in sheriffing and make Jonthro an authorized lawmen like that of Matt Dillon, Bat Masterson or Barney Fife.

Scene:  Sheriff Joe’s jailhouse in Arizona

Sheriff Joe

Jonthro Boner (JB):  Howdy pardner Joe, it sure is swell you giving me some o’ time to visit your post here on the frontier and giving me some tips on sheriffing.

Sheriff Joe (SJ): Well actually I sent you an email saying I had to cancel, just so busy trying to defeat that darn gang of Ocho.

JB:  Well I don’t like email or any of them modern do-hickey things the kids do.  So here I am, give me some of yo’ bestest tips Big Joe.  Maybe firing some weapons down on the range, near that home on the range, where the buffalo…

SJ:  Cut the crap there Jonthro, before we do anything I gotta ask you what in the name of tarnation you idiots doing in DC?   You gonna let old Beaner Ohbaja pass that Gawd awful immigration deform bill.

Jonthro Boner Cowboy wannabe

JB: Well I ain’t been paying too close attention to that bill, or Benghazi or IRS scandals.  This tan doesn’t come without a cost.  So where is my official HLS badge?

SJ:  Boner, I have just about had it with you RINOs, I ran the Marco Kid out of town just a few weeks back.   And I ain’t Homeland Security you in-bred moron.

JB:  Hey, I just  got some magic mushrooms from Lucky Schroomer and I think my noggin well be better soon after I take of few of those, whoa, can I go in the squad car and make the siren go wu wu!

SJ:  No, Jonthro, though that would be niffy fun. I got a better idea.  I need a guard for our holding cell and that would give you some official lawman creed.   You know mingle with real life prisoners and then maybe I will let you see my silver six shooters.

JB: Oh boy, you are cool dude.

SJ:  The coolest man, so come over here… Hey Carlos take a break from the internet  and meet your new guard, Jonthro Boner.

Carlos Danger (CD):  Boner….what a stupid last name.  Ho ho ho.  What are you the missing link or something Dumthro?

Carlos Danger (Tony de Weiner)

JB:  Please sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me cry like a broken water main.

CD:  Hey no hard feelings, do you like hard feelings by the way.. oh never mind.  Are you hungry Jonny boy?   Wanna bite of my weiner?

JB:  No more of a Possum-ball man myself.  So what you in here for Carlos?

CD:  Busted for impersonating a human…. geez did youse every hear such a thing?   I am all man I can assure you and I got many witnesses who would be more than happy to come forward with photographic evidence.  Pssst, I gotta bust outta here soon, can you be a pal and help me out?

JB:  Well Carlos, I may be a dreamer, but I don’t think I can do something like that and still get my official lawman badge and decoder ring.  Why you need to get out here anyway?

CD:  I gotta catch the 3:10 to Huma.  Get it … my wife’s name is Huma… jeez you are a moron.

JB:  Burp.  Wahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

July 26, 2013. Tags: , , , , , . Party Jokes, The Beltway Hillbillies, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

I knew it all along, Ernie doing Bert

I guess it’s offiical that Bert and Ernie are a gay couple, I mean if you are on the cover of the New Yorker  it has to be true?   I wrote these lyrics in 2005 more as a slam on Homeland Security but Bert and Ernie being gay got thrown it as well,  so I guess I was ahead of the curve.  Kinda ironic that the song lyrics were about someone trying to avoid marriage as much as possible, but its a very moronic… er .. .ironic world isn’t it?  Doubly ironic that the NSA/Snowden and Gay Marriage are the two biggest topics eight years later…. Nosterdumbass that’s me…. pass me the rubber duckie my conehead buddy… myah.

bert-and-ernie

 

HIGH ALERT

 

I got caught off guard
Happened in my own backyard
My borders were exposed
The lights on, but doors not closed
 
I was only a couple of dates
Just friends, not soul mates
I guess you took it as fate
Dropping a bomb in a moving crate
 
Bridge
It was a simple life
No thoughts of adding a wife
But there you were
Standing at my door
Suitcases in hand
I was done for
 
Chorus
My Homeland
With no Defense
Nothing common
Makes no sense
You got me living
On High Alert
On High Alert, High, High oh High Alert
Ain’t been this shook
Since I learned Ernie was doing Bert
Oh High Alert, High-High-high Alert
Lying low and
Living on High Alert
 
 
Say you want commitment
To me you’re an enemy combatant
Find someone else to terrorize
All I can offer is my goodbyes
 
My shades are drawn
Got cameras sweeping the lawn
I got your phone tapped
I’m safe, still I feel trapped
 
I had a simple life
Now filled with strife
My doors are locked
My driveway blocked
And living on
High Alert
 
Chorus
My Homeland
With no Defense
Nothing common
Makes no sense
You got me living
On High Alert
On High Alert, High, High oh High Alert
Ain’t been this shook
Since I learned Ernie was doing Bert
Oh High Alert, High-High-high Alert
Lying low and
Living on High Alert
 
I’m on my guard
I’m on patrol
Watching my back
Fearing another attack
 
I learned my lesson
Beware of whom you flirt
Next thing you know
You’ll be on high alert
 
Chorus
My Homeland
With no Defense
Nothing common
Makes no sense
You got me living
On High Alert
On High Alert, High, High oh High Alert
Ain’t been this shook
Since I learned Ernie was doing Bert
Oh High Alert, High-High-high Alert
Lying low and
Living on High Alert
  

Copyright 2005 ©  Larry Donnelly

April 2005 Lorenzo Donnelli Musix

July 2, 2013. Tags: . Party Jokes, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

The Marco Kid and the Gang of Ocho

Sheriff Joe out thar in the backcountry of Airerozona, picked up one of them mean hombres from the notorious gang of Ocho.  Senor Markie Rubio aka The Marco Kid was caught wandering in the high desert disorientated and parched.  We  now listen into the law of the Old West Sheriff Joe as he works over the Marco Kid to see what happened to a good guy who has gone south (of the border).The Risko Kid

Sheriff Jose er Joe (SJ):   Well, well if it ain’t  the Marco Kid. All I can say what a shame, I thought you were one of good guys.

The Marko Kid (MK):  No senor, you have it all wrong. I am a bueno hombre.   I love Lucy and America and undocumented peoples of all color, creed and especially those that watch Univision.  By the way senor lawman may I bother you for a sip of some high quality H2O?

SJ:  All in good time Marco, all in good time.  So what is this bill you and your gang is pushing down the equally parched throats of the American people.  Last time I heard you were going to guard the border first,  and now  its all open borders for all.   You remind me of another of your gang.  Senor Juan ‘Gollum ‘ McPrecious or is he going now under the alias Sergeant Farter?  Wily old fox Gollum, he said he would build the fence on our border, but he got distracted when he got reelected some time back.

Dos Amigos Gollum McPrecious and Homer Pile aka Limpy Graham-Cracker

MK:  Si, he likes to hang around with his good buddy Homer Pile  and plot new wars when they are not reforming immigration and leading us in Mexican jazz favorites.  He is also known as Limpy Graham-Cracker.  They didn’t talk to me hardly at all,  don’t seem to like me much;  you know I think they are  having a bromance or something.

SJ:  Who you calling a cracker,  boy?

MK:  Oh no no senor, that Limpy’s last name… Graham-Cracker.

SJ:  I guess we only knew him as Homer, geez what a limp wrist moron,… anyway so tell me Kid who got to you, who messed with your mind?  Must  have been a master of psychology and persuasion.  Listen up thirsty, I want names … and a icy cold bottle of aqua is all yours.

MK:  Really?  Water… por favor senor.

SJ:  I need a name Marko  and it better not be Hey Culligan man. (Sheriff Joe takes a long slug of cold water and lets a refreshing ahhhhhhhhhhh resound when he is finished.)

MK:  You are a hard man Sheriff Joe, and cruel and not really much to look at… (Sheriff Joe backhand slaps Marko’s face at this point) ….

SJ:  You won’t be much to look at either if I don’t get a name, and I mean soon.

MK:  Ok, Okay it’s Luckie Shroomer the Peyote Punk. (Marko starts to sniffle and blurst out)…. Luckie would never let up.  Path to citizenship, dream act, rule of Law is for the little people, bring them out of the shadows,  they do the work gringos won’t, Republicans need a big tent and eat at Taco Bell more often….

Luckie Shroomer The Peyote Punk

SJ: Enough Kid, you’re delirious (Sheriff Joe throws a pitcher of water in Marko’s face).  Deputy get this piece of armadillo scat a bottle of water.  So the Shroomer,…. I feel for you Kid, I really do,  he is a manipulator of the first order.

MK:  Sniff, you don’t the half the story, he would just talk and talk and arm twist and talk, blah blah blah….  I just gave up.  Help me.

SJ:  There, there Marko I think you been hit by heat stroke, dehydration and flashbacks from some bad Shrooms… or Shroomer that is.  Take some time and get some rest and a few weeks with one of our inmate labor crews and you will feel alot less like a RINO than you do now.  And we’ll won’t rest until we catch that evil Luckie and maybe then we can get enough information to go after the ring leader.

MK: Who is that Senor Joe?

SJ:  Beaner Ohbaja… the one born in Kenya and now rules the land with his lawless abandon.  The one who spit in my face and said, Birth certificates, I don’t need no stinking birth certificate.   The one who says he is the one.   He chaps my hide.

Beaner Ohbaja

MK:  Pardon me Joe, this water is great but do you have any chips and salsa?

April 25, 2013. Party Jokes, Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Tokyo Rove

Greetings, Leepublican scum, this is your overlord and fliend of conservative candidates across the fluited plains.  So you rikey way I rouse all those erections this past year.  Then you must bow and pay homage, you groveling tea suckers, I must pick your candidates,  not YOU, Parin-worshipping-pigs-with-ripstick,  tricky-dick heads.   So ray back and take the road off your rittle doggies, Tokyo Rove will make the light choice for you and make sure we rouse Senate and the House and me make rots and rots of gleenbacks.  Ha ha…. now one of my favoletes songs,  You make my straight eyes Slanty.   Goodnight Teabaggers.

 

Tokyo Rove

Tokyo Rove   Very Big Ah- Sooo

 

February 14, 2013. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

All Romney has to do is show this video, over and over again….

…If I wanted Obama and the Democrats to Fail that is.  And believe me I do, I do, I DO.

How well put and this just focuses on energy; it could be done on immigration, defense, the economy, dept of justice….

May 1, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

The Obama Carols 2011 (And may it be the last so help us God)

You Dirty King of Chicago Are

 

 

You dirty king of Chicago are

Bearing gifts to your donors afar

US foreclosure, no disclosure

Leaving a fresh new scar

 

Oh ‘Bama of blunder, dark as night

Your star no longer burns so bright

Leftward leaning, with no meaning

Give us no more class-warfare fright

 

Voted the One from America’s plain

Now we see our hopes were in vain

Talk is cheap, You lefty creep

Leaving us only more pain

 

Oh ‘Bama of blunder, dark as night

Your star no longer burns so bright

Leftward leaning, with no meaning

Give us no more class-warfare fright

 

Payroll tax cut he offers to I

Tax them rich boys until they die

Debt and spending, nothing mending

Send the deficit to a new high

 

Oh ‘Bama of blunder, dark as night

Your star no longer burns so bright

Leftward leaning, with no meaning

Give us no more class-warfare fright

 

Osama is yours, but its victory fades

Bout everything else you pass to your aides

Golfing, campaigning, Junkets, fundraising

But leadership gets a failing grade

 

Oh ‘Bama of blunder, dark as night

Your star no longer burns so bright

Leftward leaning, with no meaning

Give us no more class-warfare fright

 

We are the 99 percent, he is the one

Hopefully soon his lies will be done

Be it Newt, Mitt or Paul, he must fall

Only then we will have won

 

Oh ‘Bama of blunder, dark as night

Your star no longer burns so bright

Leftward leaning, with no meaning

Give us no more class-warfare fright

 

Copyright 2011, Larry Donnelly

December 16, 2011. Obamas Carols, Uncategorized. 1 comment.