Prince Charming in Moderate Earth – Limping to Florida (aka Seminolerideah)

When we last saw our valiant warrior, Prince Biff Charming he was heading off to New Hamhockshire to claim victory in his hopes to be the choice of  Reepacheepian party to claim back the mantle of  Supreme Leader of Moderate Earth.  SOBamaman the current overlord stays in the shadows ready for a clear opponent to attack, but the battle appears far from settled among the Reepacheepers.   We now find the Prince slowly traveling to Seminolerideah sadden to have taken a beating in South Rednecklia to the devious and tenacious Gildo Teabaggins. 
 
Our story continues with Prince Charming talking with his horse, Go-Figure, about what could have been.

Prince Charming (PC) :  “Why, oh why my faithful stead did I fumble the opportunity to close out the battle  for the Reepacheepian mantle.  I should have released my tax forms earlier.  When did it become a crime to be rich, successful and damn good looking?”

Gollum McPrecious (GM):  “When the Orcupiers started their protest with tacit support of that SOB… Gollum means the One, yes Precious hates the One.”

PC:   “In the name of Brigham Young, you scared the horse apples out of me, thou freak accident of nature!”

GM:  “Sorry your biffness, Gollum is anxious to help and your question seemed directed to no one in particular… so I didn’t wait to announce myself,  a thousand and one pardons.  I hear word, of a great defeat, please tell Gollum I hear wrong… wrongly I hear… God I am talking like Yoda, … ”

PC: ” Enough of your twisted tongue, son of a ragpicker.  Yes I am humbled to say that Gildo Teabaggins has won the battle in South Rednecklia.  He did well in our debate before the vote and the scribes went after my time with UrsoBain Capital saying I destroyed the lives of many serfs and pocketing much gold for my own coffer. Oh they so easily ignored the businesses thy helped and the wealth I created.”

GM: “Those Orcupiers talk hate speech about the wealth of the few.  They make good old hoarding and love of a full coin purse a bad thing.  Pocks on them, but Gollum likes the Tea- loving Hobbits even less.   Hairy footed bastards… death to Gildo!!!”

PC: “Save your breathe, there may be a time I could use thee vile tongue.  You should know your former handmaiden Queen Pallid gave her support for Gildo or at least said she would vote for him.   What a moosey skank. ”

GM:  “She is an artic fox is she not, Gollum warned of her.  She is large of busom but not so much of brain.  No not smart like Gollum and … hmmmm… who is as smart as I?  Oh yes, like you too Prince of the Biffie.”

PC “Whatever fool, and I suppose I lost  as well,  because Peragorn dropped out to go back to Texasses and govern those cowboys of strange speech.  But Peragon, before he fled, gave his support to Gildo. And of course, South Rednecklia is home to many effingelicals many who secretly hate Moronomism my religious faith.      But now I must focus on Seminolerideah and crush my opponent once and for all.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GM:  “Does the Wizard still play a role in this fight?”

PC: “Pffffth, he claims he is doing well but he must go and look into his tiny tiny crystal balls and count his delegates on one hand, while he scratches his crystals with his free hand. He angles for some kind of role in the main fight but I don’t trust him with anything but cleaning up after Go-Figure.”

GM: “Me thinks he could clean up after me too!!  My Depends are full to overflowing, Gollum very forgetful.”

PC: ” Yes, forget you, freaktoid… i must ride on and go downwind.  Then you will be gone with the wind…..”

GM: ” Frankly I don’t give a damn, excepts for my Precious… loser Prince do not fail me …fffffffaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttt… oopsie, Gollum make a messy.”

January 23, 2012. Tags: . Party Jokes, Prince Charming in Moderate Earth. Leave a comment.

North Korea power struggle update: Chumlee comes Home

As last reported only here at 2teanot2tea (2T2T) network Chumlee, aka Kim Gong Wrong, Kim Bong Chum-Lee, the Chum Master, Austin Russell had returned to his place of birth (or so it was thought,  see below) to fight for control of North Korea leadership with his supposed twin Kim Jong Un, subsequent to the passing of their father, Kim Jong Il.

Our inside sources in the NK capital of Pyongyang said things seemed good at the state funeral of Jong Il  where Chumlee was photographed with his brother and other top leaders. Seen below sporting a chic Tennessee Tuxedo.

And even more shocking was to see chumlee’s large image during the funeral procession normally where Kim Jong Il’s protrait would be displayed

But soon the rise of Chumlee to North Korea’s top post was crushed by the  revelation that he was not the twin to Kim Jong Un.  DNA testing showed while indeed Kim Jong Il was the father,  his mother was a hooker in Las Vegas, Roxy Rackks Russell.  Roxy met Mr. Il on a chance encounter during Mr. Il’s youth as he toured the US and indulged in his love of playing the sports book and enjoying woman of the evening.

2T2T learned from insiders that never before this leadership crisis had Chumlee ever been in North Korea and his claim to any leadership position was null and void.  Picture of Roxy is below

When presented with this evidence Chumlee quickly packed up and headed for the next flight to the US.   When his growing mass of followers heard of this development, near rioting and public mourning was common place.

Shown to the right is group of his younger fans, that were known as the Wannabe Chumlees.  They were devastated.

But many adults, were grief-stricken as well:

Oh what might have been… So what is Chumlee doing now?

Well he is back at the Pawn Stars shop where is showing the gang a souvenior from his trip.

We were told Rick Harris asked Chum what he bought while over in North Korea and Chumlee said it was a dual action North Korean assault rifle.  Whereupon the Old Man was  over heard to say, ‘Chumlee you no good bleeping dumb bleep!’

January 19, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Chumlee vs Kim Jong Un, Party Jokes. 1 comment.

Reading the Tea Leaves, pre SC primary

Well with two under his belt Romney looks like he will be tough to beat for the nomination. I just can’t see who can or who I even want to make a serious challenge to him.  Ron Paul has his core following but I don’t see that becoming much bigger,for me and many others doomed  by too extreme of comments on Iran and views on the Middle East situation.  Gingrich has come off as left of Obama with his Bain attacks on Romney and there is something I just don’t trust with him.  Santorum left me cold with his whining at the earlier debates and he seems too focused on social issues (anybody remember our little debt issue).  Huntsman not a chance; don’t like, don’t care..  Rick Perry took out both six shooters and proceeded to hit his feet perfectly and stumbled ever since… adios mi amigo.  Hey Rick, if you didn’t resemble Senor W you probably had a better chance and of course if you kept your gun holstered.

I can vote Romney with no problem.  I think he could be best at doing a turnaround for the US, which is what we need and soon, as in yesterday.

I wish as a tea partier that someone like Paul Ryan or Jim DeMint were in the race but they aren’t.  I still feel we’ll head in the right direction under any of the Republican leadership, and if that is Romney well so be it.

I feel the work of the media, the democrats has done some real damage to the Tea Party movement, but many Americans rather be on the “winning” side than have core beliefs that they stay true to.  I will continue to work for a America that values personal liberty over a large central government who wants more and more control over our lives.

The work (of the Tea Party) has just began, a victory by a republican is the only hope short term that we can begin to reign in spending and turn this ship around.   Stop bashing each other and focus on the end… a one term for the ONE.

January 13, 2012. Tags: , . Party Chairman Commentary. Leave a comment.

Prince Charming in Moderate Earth

Our story begins with the second quest of  Prince Biff Charming (PC) to claim the throne of Moderate Earth, he is fresh from a close victory in Eyeohwah but is gearing up to do battle in New Hamhockshire , a tiny state  in the old country of  New Anglophile.  As he rests on his journey he is greeted by an old adversary, the wily Gollum McPrecious (GM), who now seems willing to be the Prince’s ally. 
 
As Prince Charming rested by the peaceful woodland pond, he was startled by a noise in nearby woods.

PC:  “Hark, who goes there?  Friend or Foe?”

GM:”Careful with thee sword, oh Prince of Charms and Good looks, it is I Gollum and I come in peace, oh yes, peace indeed. Gollum likes Peace except in the Middle East kingdoms… Gaddifi rot in hell you bastard…”

PC: “Tell me, what is the nature of this surprise visit and what has happened to you… you have aged beyond thy years.”

GM:  “Yes, I was cast aside when I lost to The One,  SOBamaman.  He made Gollum look weak and powerless and much aging I have endured.  Thus my sweet Prince, I have come to join your crusade and finally bring and end to The One and take hold of my precious… our precious, yes.”

PC:  “I will take your support with some holding of the nostrils, my God man could you throw a shower in your schedule from time to time?”

GM:  “Oh yes my handsome King to be.  So tell me of thy latest battles, your foes are too numerous to keep track and Gollum is easily confused these days.  Thank the stars above my former handmaiden Queen Pallid has stayed home in her Ice Castle, Gollum says she is no good and as wily as the arctic fox, oh my Lucky Charms… Gollum knows they are always after me Lucky Charms…”

PC:  “Babble no more knave and I shall inform thee to the question you doth poseth. Events have been strange and twists and turns lurk around every curve. When I thought it was Gildo “the eye of  Newt”  Teabaggins  I should most fear, a challenger henceforth of no consequence comes to the fore.”

GM:  “Would this be the Black Knight, the one they call the 999 of Spades?”

PC:  “No the Black Knight was brought down by of all things a lady, well several ladies, well not ladies really, tarts, or even less discreet would say whores, but not I to criticize; for all men, at least the men I partake company of, are vulnerable to the charms of the female flesh.”

GM:  “Gollum thinks the Knight got his freak on, … oh I like the thought of that… ”

PC:  “Silence wretched man!  My new opponent is the Santorond the part effingelical, part conservative leader from the mountains they call the Poconos.  His war chest is yet small but I fear he may take those who no longer favor the Black Knight or the Queen of Minnaria.”

GM:”He is young this Santamoron?”

PC:  ” It’s Santorond, and he is not young, but his looks are boyish and this peeves me greatly, for I should be the fairest of them all!”

GM: “What of the wizard, as well as ,  the leader of where men are men?”

PC:  “Yes, Ganpaulf and Peragon.  Ganpaulf, oh what a wiz he iz …. NOT!  He is of two minds this wizard, he is part Right Earth on matters fiscally.  But he is seen as Far Left Earth with his views of the use of the armed forces. He would ignore the outlying enemies of Moderate Earth and audit the Royal Bank instead.   He babbles often incoherently and has a gaze that can give ones sphincter a good tightening.  As for Peragon, he is unsure, one day in, next day out; I hear he retrenches in South Rednecklia and whiles his hours hunting at his lodge, Coon River Game Farm.”

GM: ” My sphincter is often tightened and Gollum is frequently bound and gassy, me hates Milk of Magnesia….”

PC: “Spare me the details of your movements ye of foul smell and bad comb-over.  Time is of the essence, I must make my showing in Hamhockshire.”

GM: “Ride like I break the wind my dearest friend… and Gollum wishes you success on bringing my precious to me… TO ME… ME ME ME… but please go gentle on Sobamaman, for we must be fair, mustin we my Lord?, and not upset the media scribes… yes, and then Moderate Earth will be mine… Ours.. yes… hehehehehe… “

January 9, 2012. Tags: , , . Party Jokes, Prince Charming in Moderate Earth. 1 comment.

Barry Boxcutterfingers

Oh look out it’s Barry Boxcutterfingers, out to cut the only thing he likes to slash and burn and that’s Defense.  Oh that darn Barry he’s just butterfingers when it comes to cutting things like entitlements and the oh so slim and underfunded Dept of  Ag, HUD, Dept of Energy, Dept of Teachers Unions, UN funding.  No Barry is very single minded here and watch out those blades are cutting like crazy.  I think Barry senses the end is near and hopes to do as much damage he can before someone takes his tools away.  No just take THE TOOL away… please!

In fairness, I think Defense needs to be cut back some, like any other department should be.  I mean how hard is it to say the govt payroll needs a 20% haircut either by deduction in pay, cut in benefits or layoffs.  Evil corporations have to do that in hard times.  But Barry is only diving into Defense which is so typical for this ideologue.  America get a clue and soon.  Because this ain’t no movie but it sure is damn scary.

 

 

January 6, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , . Party Jokes. Leave a comment.

Green Acres Gothic

Rick Perry:

Green Acres was the place to be…

But I think Texas is where I’ll flee…

Got my ass kicked hard and good

Keep Des Moines, I going back to the mesquite wood

Michelle:

Campaigning is where I stay

Cause I plum loco wouldn’t you say…

I love missing a Minnesota winter

Dear Rick I’ll miss you, you  immigrant  loving  vaccine pushing  W impersonating sphincter

 

… no more debates (RP)

…. need a running mate? (MB)

….Lone Star (RP)

…. I’m going far (MB)

 

You aren’t my choice (RP)

I’ll talk til I lose my voice (MB)

Iowa,we’re no longer tharrrrrrr…  (Both)

Oink….(Newt filling in for Arnold)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mbk81X6WHA4  the original theme song for you too young to remember it

 

epilogue :   When I did this blog entry on  1/3 Tues even. early Wed am, Michelle said she was moving on to SC  and Perry was cancelling visits to SC to reassess his campaign which to me seemed like heavy foreshadowing of
ending his presidential run. Within a twelve hour span it was reversed, so the teachable moment for yours truly is never take a politician’s words too seriously, but inspiration is hard to contain and they do make a lovely couple don’t they?  LD

January 4, 2012. Tags: , , . Party Jokes. Leave a comment.