Prince Charming in Moderate Earth – Ganpaulf makes the rounds

The race to the top of the Reepacheep contest seems to be Biff Charming’s to win.  Santorond, gave a strong battle to Biff in his native kingdom of Mishmashagain and later in Ohhideouto,  but wasn’t enough to turn the tide. Gildo Teabaggins seems to focus on making sure he didn’t lose in Georgioshire.  But of interest to many is the role of the wizard Ganpaulf and the possible alliance he has formed with Prince Charming and what this might bode for the future. Let us review Ganpaulf’s recent sightings with the remaining Reepacheep contenders.
During a campaign stop Ganpaulf has a heated exchange with his former little buddy.

Gildo “Eye of the Newt” Teabaggins (GT):  Gee Wiz what gives?  We use to be buds, now all you can do is give me crap.  I left Georgioshire at your urging to pursue the big ring but now I find out you want for yourself.  You big jerk.

Gandpaulf (GP):  Ye little hobbit with the big mouth.  I would support you if you weren’t such a hypocrite.  Oh you say you hate big government but then you consult with Freddie Mac the Knife and Fanny May Day Real Estate and Holdings.  Oh you say you hate Washengard yet you say when you were Speaker of the Hut you said yourself one  had to be an insider.  Your tongue tells many lies Mr. Hairy toes.

GT:  Okay Mr. Marshmellow, all soft on the enemies of Moderate Earth, who would allow anyone who smoke some special herbs to do so with no penalties.  You are not a Reepacheeper you are a Liberton!  Free love and all that…. let me tell you love ain’t free when you’ve had three… wives that is.

GP:  Maybe you best add a zipper to your cloak, sex can be hobbit forming… pretty good for dry old wiz, huh?  Well I love Moderate Earth and I truly love the Constitution, that is my mistress Dildo!

GT:  Oh now the name calling, a gotcha attack, or should I say a crotcha attack… forget about a Christmas card this coming year old man.

Later he meets up with Kung Fu Master Effing U “Ricky” Santorond

GP: Hey Eff U!

Santorond (SA):  Its Effing U grandpa.  You disgusting Liberton, look at you.  You look like Chewbacca with a bad Kiss makeup job.

GP:  Don’t blame me, blame the douche that does the photoshopping around here.

SA:  When you gonna win something Chewie?

GP:  When you when a win a close contest with Prince Charming.

SA:  Oh your bestest friend Biff, how is Biff?

GP:  I align with no one, Cupcake.  You Pocono pussy.  You lover of the earmark, you leaver of the skidmarks, you Markist, mark my words, Markie Mark, Jump the Mark, the Marks Brothers…

SA: Shuddup already.  How you like a leg kick to the noggin to dislodge all those brain farts you got up there?

GP:  Put a condom over your pie hole.

SA:  You could lose some teeth with one more remark like that.

GP:  Are you serious dude.  Go threaten some Middle East Kingdom you warmonger.  I got more serious dudes to deal with.

And finally he meets in secret with the Prince.

GP:  Your Lord, how does it goeth?

Prince Biff Charming (PC):  It goes pretty good, not great, could be better;  I thought you were going to make our opponents weak and I could wrap this damn thing up and I hear you doth criticize me.

GP:  I must  dear Prince, for the media scribes and pundits seem to be on to our little alliance.

PC:  First Rumpleforeskin and now you, I don’t know who to trust.

GP:  I will lie down at the right time Charming but I too want something for my loyalty.  Not your gold like Rumpledumbsheets does, by the way a little advice, READ THE FINE PRINT NUMB NUTS!!  No I just want you to take my son, Randpaulf as your running mate.  Take my son, please. 

PC:  Oh so we’re  Henny Youngman now.  Well we shall see.  I rather put you in as Secretary of the Treasury or maybe ambassador to Mordor. 

GP:  Nope, Randpaulf or I shall make a big stinky at the Reepacheep convention.

PC:  I must sleep on it, by the way does my hair look okay?  Is my crown straight?

GP:  Perfect as always… oh RoboPrince.  Maybe you’d like to try my man purse as an accessory.

PC:  No it would clash with my blue suede, this belt isn’t too wide is it?  Does this outfit make my butt look big…

GP: Sheesch…(oh to turn this prince into a frog… just once…must resist…)


March 4, 2012. Tags: , , , , . Party Jokes, Prince Charming in Moderate Earth. Leave a comment.