Prince Charming in Moderate Earth – The Rumpster Touch

Oh dear readers (if I have any) I know much has transpired since our last look at Prince Biff Charming and his quest to get the Reepacheepian nomination to do battle with SOBamaman for ultimate control over Moderate Earth.  Biff flexed his muscles and crushed the victor in   South Rednecklia, Gildo Teabaggins, in the state of Seminolerideah.
  Next Prince Charming  goes to Sinevada and picks up the endorsement of the powerbroker  Rumpleforeskin also know as the Rump.  Again our brave and noble Biff wins big, getting dealt a political  “21” and cashing in on most of the delegates.  Oh what could go wrong… ahem.  Well something like a Kung Fu fighter, the effingelical Eff U Master, Santorond comes  in, seemingly out of  nowhere, kicking and screaming taking no prisoners and almost as many delegates in Frozensoda, Mizzshowmeemo,  ColorockadoThough a mere body blow to Biff he had some ‘splaining to do, especially to his new golden master, Rumpleforeskin.  Let us join them on a conference call after the surprise showing of Santorond.

Prince Charming (PC):   Biff here.

Rumpleforeskin (RU):  So Biff is that how you treat me?  You get my endorsement and then you go stiffing on me in the next three contests?

PC:  Now, now listen Rumpster this is a mere set back, some pockets of hard core Right Earthers and Effingelicals who won’t come into line with the true and established Reepacheepers.

RU:  Now you listen to me, maybe you forgot that little contract we signed in Sinevada?    The one saying if thou shalt lose you end up giving me part of your family jewels?

PC:  I thought that was only if I lost the nomination, but not pertaining to  every state contest?

RU:  You didn’t read the fine print did you Buffo?  Do you think my gold and endorsement come with no strings attached?   Look at all the strings on my face, let me tell you its not easy being so two faced.

PC:  Yes that surgery was so unfortunate.  How did that happen again?

RU:  I come apart at the seams last year during a press conference, go here for a reminder.

PC: Go where ?

RU:  It was a link for the readers (if there any) of this blog!  Anyway for losing those contests I require 51% stake in UrsoBain Capital.

PC:  Are you outta your fricking mind!

RU: No, and to prove it I like to bring on the line a mutual friend to let you know how serious I am.  Are you there my Precious?

Gollum McPrecious (GM):  Yes it is Gollum, your Rumpness, … Gollum is all dizzy in the brain…. Oh Biff the stiff are u going to get my precious or do I have to support the Rump?  You shows mes good signs and then bad signs …. Gollum likes consistency and loose bowels.

RU/PC: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwww…

GM:  I have still powers Princely Loser, you must vanquish this effingelical Effing U Santorond soon or my mind may sway or fail entirely.  I have ways to make you pay if you don’t do as the big Foreskin says… don’t rub the foreskin the wrong way.. hehhehe… I like that one…click

RU:   Opps, looks like we lost the line… beware Biff for you never know when Gollum may take a dump on your parade.

Hissie Christie Dumptie  (HCD):  Did someone mention my name? Gentleman, this is Governor Dumptie here.  I like to say kudos to Biff on releasing your tax returns and now if you donate most of your stock to Mr. Rumpleforeskin then you will look like a hero instead of a cruel rich bastard and then the Rump can build the biggest casino eveah in Atlantic City which means more dockets for the Snookieland coffers and its a win win win … opps I got so excited I almost took a big fall…  excuse me my deep dish pizza just come out of the oven…

RU:  Well Biff I think you see I have you by the royal short hairs if you will. So look forward to your first payment to my bank account as quick as the eagle strikes the hare.  Just so the eagles doesn’t go after my hair… hohehehehshehheooheehh…get it … hare and hair… oheshdhehehehshsheheeheh

PC:  Dear God what hath I done?????

Meanwhile deep in the Pocono training center.. .  Santorond is getting some special kick box and axe handling instruction from the famous  trainer, the dwarf Gimpi Goldmine.

Gimpi Goldmine (GG):  Is that all you got youse wuss you…you effing girl, Rocky!

Santorond (SA): First its Ricky shortstuff and secondly, stop with all the swearing, I am sensitive to that you know.  You are driving me too hard.

GG:  Listen kid you wanta whup that Charming’s ass all over the mat dontcha, then you got to get stronger and tougher and less whiny … and then you dumbskull you go and make enemies of the Liberterons… you got barely enough in you to keep that Gildo in a headlock.  Who knows what other enemies lurk out there,… so are you a man, or are youse a panty waste, Cupcake???

SA:  I’ll show you what I got… damn right I will… I am the true Tea lover in this fight… and somebody’s bag is gonna to get dunked and then shredded to itsy bitsy pieces and then I’ll suck the remaining juices out of  it…. pow, zap, boing, zip, rip, snap, succkckckck, slurp, gulp….ehhhhhhhowwwwwwwwwwww

GG:  Whoa kid, I gots your message loud and clear… okay come at me with your best combo… and remember no more jokes about tossing me outta the ring or you be seeing the business end of my axe blade.


February 12, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Party Jokes, Prince Charming in Moderate Earth. Leave a comment.