Wow Late Night Hosts really do make fun of the President (Current One).

In a prior rant I lamented how it seems comedians just can’t leave the Bush era behind.  I guess because Obama just isn’t funny material,  but lo and behold I saw  a collection of late night jokes that Investors Business Daily collates and indeed the gloves have come off and by God most of the jokes are pretty good, here some of my favs:

Fallon: The president in a little trouble. During a fundraiser yesterday, President Obama raised eyebrows when he called California’s Kamala Harris quote “the best-looking attorney general in the country.” Then Michelle was like, “Well, here’s another joke, what’s black and white and sleeps on the couch?”

Fallon: Obama called Kamala Harris the best looking attorney general while at a California fundraiser. Hopefully, the fundraiser was to buy a really nice necklace for Michelle.

Leno: Obama apologizes to Joe Biden for saying California’s Attorney General Kamala Harris is so pretty. It’s Joe’s job to say the stupid, embarrassing stuff in public.

Leno: AP, the world’s largest news-gathering organization, bans the term “illegal immigrant.” From now on AP will call them “undocumented Democrats.”

Fallon: President Obama announced a $100-million initiative to map the human brain. Joe Biden said, “You could map mine for a lot less.”

Fallon: President Obama shot hoops yesterday and went two for 22. Tough times. One minute he asks Congress to raise the debt limit. The next he’s asking to lower the hoop.
Read More At Investor’s Business Daily: http://news.investors.com/politics-andrew-malcolm/040813-650970-kamala-harris-obama-sexist-joe-biden-north-korea.htm#ixzz2Q5BA1fBm
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April 10, 2013. I Approve this message, Party Jokes. Leave a comment.

Golly it’s Homer Pile and Sgt Farter, Again and again, and again, and again and….

Well lookie there its those two crazy characters who seem to be on TV as much as Michelle Obama, maybe there is a secret competition going on who will get the most airtime.   Yep I speak of those two inseparable characters Homer Pile and Sgt. Farter.  Here is an excerpt from a recent pep talk Sgt. Farter was giving to hapless Homer.
 

Sgt. Farter (SF):   Homer you numb nuts, I need you to get out there and steamroll that Rand character until he is flatter than Hilary Swank’s chest in Boys don’t Cry.

Homer Pile (HP):  Golly Sarg, Rand seems like a right good ol’ boy to me, kinda cute even.

SF:  Listen faggot,… er… I mean maggot, he’s a young upstart trying to banish that Constitution around like some Tea Party Radical hairy toed hobbit loving mother fucking,….

HP:  For shame, for shame Sergeant, you said a bad word, golly my ears are burning.

SF:  Listen mama boy, do as I say or I will stick  my rifle up your ass until I tickle your tonsils.

HP:  Yes sir Sergeant Farter, I love when you talk that way to me…. it reminds me when we had that encounter in the latrine… surprise,surprise.

SF:  Pile you’re dumber than a box of bricks, so just read what I tell you on that little piece of paper, where it says Rand Paul sucks, can you do that for me private?!

HP:  Oh yes sir, I read real gooder and Homer is ready to take your abuse anytime, anywhere… Gooolllllleeeeee

Homer Pyle and Sgt Farter copy

March 9, 2013. Tags: , , . Party Jokes. Leave a comment.

Chumlee goes one on one with Un

Sure you knew things couldn’t remind kosher in the ongoing rivalry between Chumlee Russell, star of Pawn Stars and his half brother,  Kim Jong Un, leader of North Korea.  Chumlee while basking in being voted the Smartest Man in the World, got increasingly irritated by Kim’s recent conduct.  First he was jealous that Kim got to blow up a really big bomb recently in North Korea.  Rick usually allows Chumlee only  to occasionally fire off an antique blunderbuss that may explode accidentally.

And now Unster hanging with Dennis Rodman;   who has patronized Pawn Stars pawn shop many a time over the years.  And the nerve of  Dennis; saying he and Kimmy were BFFs and he would try to hook up a game of  PIG with Kim versus President Obama.

v3dennis-rodman-n-korea

Chumlee’s response was bringing on a famous basketball trainer and motivator, Mars Blackmon,  to get Chumlee into pro form and challenge his half brother in a game of one on one for the right to go against Obama in the game of PIG.  Chumlee, being a chess player of the political arena, also hopes that  the defeat of Un   can be uses as a wedge to get another chance at the leadership of  North Korea.   2T2T  Network will, as always,  keep you up to date with the family feud between our little dribblers.

Chum with Mars Blackmon copy

March 4, 2013. Tags: , , , , . Chumlee vs Kim Jong Un, Party Jokes. Leave a comment.

Secret Photos: Tiger shows Pres Obama how to really swing

The 2t2t Network come across this exclusive photo of President Obama and Tiger Woods hitting the town last week during his highly secretive golf getaway.  No it wasn’t all fairway time for our power pair.  They were looking for a whole new twosome to join them in the evening as well.  After a hour of private lessons and dressing tips, Tiger took President Obama to the exclusive Boogie Nights club where the two tore up the dance floor and rumor has it, had some foxy females on their bulging biceps when they left after shut down the club.  Get down, and yes they did.  I guess it brings a whole new meaning to shouting FORE … play. Hey, they’re  just two wild and crazy guys.

Tiger teachs Barry how to really Swing

February 24, 2013. Tags: , , . Party Jokes. Leave a comment.

Tokyo Rove

Greetings, Leepublican scum, this is your overlord and fliend of conservative candidates across the fluited plains.  So you rikey way I rouse all those erections this past year.  Then you must bow and pay homage, you groveling tea suckers, I must pick your candidates,  not YOU, Parin-worshipping-pigs-with-ripstick,  tricky-dick heads.   So ray back and take the road off your rittle doggies, Tokyo Rove will make the light choice for you and make sure we rouse Senate and the House and me make rots and rots of gleenbacks.  Ha ha…. now one of my favoletes songs,  You make my straight eyes Slanty.   Goodnight Teabaggers.

 

Tokyo Rove

Tokyo Rove   Very Big Ah- Sooo

 

February 14, 2013. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Dirty Barry, Executive Force

Dirty Barry

 

I know what you’re thinking. Did he issue twenty-four executive orders or only twenty three? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I lost track myself.  But being as this is a seven clip, Hipbro pea shooter,  the most powerful pea popper in the world, and would put a red mark on your chin dimple, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?”

Old clint

 

 

 

 

Listen Skeeter boy, I’ll blow a hole in your face then go inside and sleep like a baby.  Any further questions, Hmmmm Punkie Berrster?

February 11, 2013. Tags: , . Party Jokes. Leave a comment.

Lgor of Arabia

The hero of the desert who charmed man-bear-pigs around the world with his tales of Climate catastrophe.  Lgor of Arabia, a man of principle and character and junk science.  Never one to turn down a buck when it can be offset with a carbon credit.  He’s smoking hot, he’s Lgor of Arabia.  And I am super cereal@!!

 

Lgor of Arabia final

February 7, 2013. Tags: , , . Party Jokes. Leave a comment.

Can’t leave a good Bush joke alone.

Its now 4 years since we have not had W in the White House.  So how unshocking that comedians still can’t find any humor to mine in Obama-land, but good old George is still a favorite target.  I was watching Conan last week, and I decided to watch Martin Short interview who I usually find somewhat amusing.  Well the discussion goes to famous Presidents Conan and Short have met and Short says he met Bush in the day and Bush reminded him of a very beautifully-coffed Simian (Monkey or Ape).  proof: http://teamcoco.com/video/martin-short-interview-pt-1-01/17/13   go to about 2:10 minute mark.

Wow, I guess he couldn’t have done that one with Obama’s name inserted or Short would have been barred from Hollywood parties for life or burned at the stake of PC enforcement.   But if it’s that dumbass, punching bag W then game on.  Pathetic, Short; Bush has been out of sight for four years and yet you can’t let it go.

The Left has ruined entertainment for me, there are so many of them who I once enjoyed in movies, and in song but really more and more I can’t bring myself to watch or listen to them, after I hear them being so obvious in their political leanings. Since the influence of pop culture and our media is so biased left, that’s why I don’t take shit I hear libs say without returning fire.  We got to be ready to hit them verbally and what ever ways back when they hit us.

The media barring talk radio, Fox and a few print outlets is working more and more in concert with the Dems and the left.  We can’t let them bulldoze us with their bullshit any more, too much is at stake…even if it means never watching another Ed Grimley skit.  Damn life is hard.

January 22, 2013. Tags: , , . Party Chairman Commentary. Leave a comment.

The Beltway Hillbillies, Jonthro Crashes and Burns, The Bank rejoices

During our last episode, the Beltway Hillbillies were heading towards the Fiscal Cliff.  Pork Banker Scary Drysreed and his assistant, Nanny Giveaway, decided to let them go ahead and drive off the Cliff, but word got back to Chairman of the Board, Mr. Big One and he hurried back with his best negotiation skills to solve the potential crisis.

Just as the Cliff  loomed ahead, Jonthro Boner, Speaker of the House of Cards, and nephew to Dumbasset patriarch Mitch Dumbasset, took a corner too fast as he took his eyes off the road and mentally undressed a pretty bill of goods called Sandy Relief.  He claimed he was tired and just needed to get past this crazy desire to drive off the Fiscal Cliff.  He was last seen staggering back towards the Federal Tax and Redistribution Bank and reports had him muttering about Mr. Drysreed reproducing with himself.

old car accident

Mr. Big O'Bamya, Nanny Gaveway, and Scary Drysreed

At the FTR Bank, Mr. Big One, Chairman of the Board returns from his Hawaiian vacation to chat up their victory of more revenue and MORE AND MORE REDISTRIBUTION AND SPENDING LIKE DRUNK SAILORS!!!

Mr. Big One: (BO)   Jeez guys I guess coming back to cut the power steering line to The Dumbassets ol’ japoly was worth it.

Nanny Giveaway (NG):  Oh Mr. Big you are a negotiating machine and so strong and clean and spend like a Coon, ahem …. I meant Tycoon… right Chief?

Scary Drysreed (SD): Shutup you nitwit Nanny, it was all her idea Mr. Big not to call you.  I wanted to call you, but she said no I planted the idea of Plan B with Boner and he will pull a Boner and drive off the cliff…

BO:  Enough you two, enough about you, lets talk about me … I am great, I won, I cut the steering thingy and I won this all by my lonesome, you morons are around just to say stupid things and keep my office guarded during my golf excursions.  Now I have to talk up our victory of tax relief with my poor friends in Hollyweird, while those rich evil doers elsewhere will pay their fair share. And oh yes I must  return to gazing at my incredibly beautiful facial structure on a shaded Hawaiian beach. Ciao you idiots.

SC:  Good going you dumb slut Nanny, this was my deal to win!

NG:  Chief, to paraphrase the words of Jonthro Boner, Go and make love to thyself… you old fart.

SC:  If this was the sixties, I would … geez… please don’t look at me, those eyes… you’re melting my money belt.

January 3, 2013. Party Jokes, The Beltway Hillbillies. Leave a comment.

The Beltway Hillbillies: Driving to the Fiscal Cliff

The Dumassetts  The Beltway Hillbillies

Clockwise Top left:  Kelly Mae Ayotte,  Granny Annie Six Shooter Coulter, Jonthro Boner,  Mitch Dumbasset.

Theme of Beltway Hillbillies

 Come and listen to this story about a rube named Jonthro

Poor speaker of the house, his words come mighty slow

Then one day when he was tanning his back side

Up through his brain stem came a idear to be tried

Tax increases on the rich, millionaires and billionaires

Well next thing you know he called it Plan B

Tea Partiers said, Jonthro, no way we’re go’n up that tree

Said, the head of the house ain’t for you, ya big stiff

So he loaded up his truck and headed towards the cliff

Fiscal, that is, tax hikes, defense cuts

Well now its time to say adios to Jonthro and his friends

And he like to thank you for letting him stay ‘til the bitter ends

He wish you’d invite him to stick around a spell

Most rather see him drive off the cliff straight into hell

Eternal damnation, that is, Lake of Fire.  Really quite hot.

Y’all stay down there, y’hear?

Mean while back at Federal Tax and Redistribution Bank, Head of the Senate Pork fund, Mr. Scary Drysreed and his faithful sidekick and coffee server, Nanny Giveaway are just seeing their biggest suckers… er clients roar past in their broken down old jalopy.

Scary:  Ms. Giveaway was that the Dumbasset truck I just saw barreling down the beltway towards Fiscal Cliff Falls?  We need those Dumbassets to have someone to laugh at and wrap around our money stained fingers.

Nanny:  If my face could move I could have tracked them Chief as they went past, but all I know is we can’t let them go off the cliff,… well maybe we do just that….

Scary:  Nanny I pay you to get my coffee and kiss my wrinklie old ass, but you might be onto something there, I will let the Chairman of the Board know what we have seen.

Nanny:  Oh Chief, he is in Hawaii, sipping eggnog and reflecting on his image in the Pacific, it can wait until they are well over the Cliff.

Scary:  Bravo, Ms. Giveaway, send a memo out, bonuses for everybody…. the coffers will should be overflowing again.  Now leave me alone,  your eyes are starting to make my fruitcake melt.

Dingy Harry Dryreed and Nanny Giveaway

December 23, 2012. Tags: , , , , , . Party Jokes, The Beltway Hillbillies. Leave a comment.

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