Take my wife, if you can find her… Vladimir Youngman rules

I have a ready wit. Tell me when you are ready, Comrade… tell me quick.

If I had life to do over again, I be back in USSR… stop me , please.

People tell me I look like a talent scout… for the gulag.

I was so handsome when I was born, the doctor kissed my mother and asked for my autograph.

I give you more rights, fellow citizen, the right to get arrested, right away.

I made a killing in the US stock market. I shot my broker.  He wasn’t very happy , in fact he was Madoff.

I give my  wife something to look forward to — a divorce.

The secret of a happy marriage is to keep it a secret.  Marriage very happy , DA!!

All my wife does is shop – once she was sick for a week, and three countries in European Union  went under.

Aren’t you glad I am back… DA!!

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May 9, 2012. Tags: , . Party Jokes.

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