Prince Charming in Moderate Earth – Limping to Florida (aka Seminolerideah)

When we last saw our valiant warrior, Prince Biff Charming he was heading off to New Hamhockshire to claim victory in his hopes to be the choice of  Reepacheepian party to claim back the mantle of  Supreme Leader of Moderate Earth.  SOBamaman the current overlord stays in the shadows ready for a clear opponent to attack, but the battle appears far from settled among the Reepacheepers.   We now find the Prince slowly traveling to Seminolerideah sadden to have taken a beating in South Rednecklia to the devious and tenacious Gildo Teabaggins. 

 

Our story continues with Prince Charming talking with his horse, Go-Figure, about what could have been.

Prince Charming (PC) :  “Why, oh why my faithful stead did I fumble the opportunity to close out the battle  for the Reepacheepian mantle.  I should have released my tax forms earlier.  When did it become a crime to be rich, successful and damn good looking?”

Gollum McPrecious (GM):  “When the Orcupiers started their protest with tacit support of that SOB… Gollum means the One, yes Precious hates the One.”

PC:   “In the name of Brigham Young, you scared the horse apples out of me, thou freak accident of nature!”

GM:  “Sorry your biffness, Gollum is anxious to help and your question seemed directed to no one in particular… so I didn’t wait to announce myself,  a thousand and one pardons.  I hear word, of a great defeat, please tell Gollum I hear wrong… wrongly I hear… God I am talking like Yoda, … ”

PC: ” Enough of your twisted tongue, son of a ragpicker.  Yes I am humbled to say that Gildo Teabaggins has won the battle in South Rednecklia.  He did well in our debate before the vote and the scribes went after my time with UrsoBain Capital saying I destroyed the lives of many serfs and pocketing much gold for my own coffer. Oh they so easily ignored the businesses thy helped and the wealth I created.”

GM: “Those Orcupiers talk hate speech about the wealth of the few.  They make good old hoarding and love of a full coin purse a bad thing.  Pocks on them, but Gollum likes the Tea- loving Hobbits even less.   Hairy footed bastards… death to Gildo!!!”

PC: “Save your breathe, there may be a time I could use thee vile tongue.  You should know your former handmaiden Queen Pallid gave her support for Gildo or at least said she would vote for him.   What a moosey skank. ”

GM:  “She is an artic fox is she not, Gollum warned of her.  She is large of busom but not so much of brain.  No not smart like Gollum and … hmmmm… who is as smart as I?  Oh yes, like you too Prince of the Biffie.”

PC “Whatever fool, and I suppose I lost  as well,  because Peragorn dropped out to go back to Texasses and govern those cowboys of strange speech.  But Peragon, before he fled, gave his support to Gildo. And of course, South Rednecklia is home to many effingelicals many who secretly hate Moronomism my religious faith.      But now I must focus on Seminolerideah and crush my opponent once and for all.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GM:  “Does the Wizard still play a role in this fight?”

PC: “Pffffth, he claims he is doing well but he must go and look into his tiny tiny crystal balls and count his delegates on one hand, while he scratches his crystals with his free hand. He angles for some kind of role in the main fight but I don’t trust him with anything but cleaning up after Go-Figure.”

GM: “Me thinks he could clean up after me too!!  My Depends are full to overflowing, Gollum very forgetful.”

PC: ” Yes, forget you, freaktoid… i must ride on and go downwind.  Then you will be gone with the wind…..”

GM: ” Frankly I don’t give a damn, excepts for my Precious… loser Prince do not fail me …fffffffaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttt… oopsie, Gollum make a messy.”